A Note To The Twenty-Three Year Old Me

I ran across some old pictures of myself from right around the time of my wedding twenty years ago. How interesting it is to look at that person I used to be, still want to be on some days but mostly would love to have been able to sit down with and have a good one-to-one chat?

If you could, what would you say to yourself? 

Here is what I would say to the twenty-three year old, soon to be newlywed - me:

I look like such a kid here.

Girlfriend,


Relax!  Just let it roll off your back and relax. That's the first thing you need to know if you ever want to make it through this life with a shred of sanity left.  Oh, they'll be people who certainly deserve a good piece of your mind and whom you could justifiably give it to and no one would argue with that.  But resist.  Resist not because you need to spare them a lesson or two, don't worry, karma is alive and working just fine in this universe. Resist the urge to school every wrong doer who has the audacity to offend or insult you for your sake, not theirs.  Girl, stress will wear you out and eat you up alive like a man-eating tiger.  And you want to know the real kicker in that whole thing?  It won't change their opinion one bit.  So save your breath, calm down and just let it go.  You deserve better.


And while we're on the topic let me just say that you don't want to get a stomach ulcer, I promise you, you don't. Those dang things hurt - a lot.  It will keep you up at night,  you'll feel like you've lost ten years off your life with each attach and it will make you wish you could go back and tell yourself to relax about most, if not everything, in life.


So please, for our sake, RELAX.

By the way, congrats on the marriage.  You know, after twenty years of marriage I'm still working to figure it all out but let me see if I can give you a heads up on a few things.

Wedding rehearsal with dad. (Sorry about bad photos - their old, ya' know, like me.)

First, you've got yourself a good guy there, no make that a great guy.  He's one of them that every women wants and girl you knocked this one out of the ballpark, so don't screw it up.


I know it is all turtledoves and roses right now and that's good because if it weren't I'd say not to get married, but reality will, as sure as you'll side swipe your husbands car on a post or get perms for another ten years, it will set in.  That is where a marriage really starts.  So let's see if I can give you some pointers on to Dos' and Don'ts when it comes to matrimony.


Major Don't number one.  Do not make your husband responsible for your happiness in life.  Now, I know you're pretty independent so you don't tend to lean towards anyone for your happiness, but the years will roll on, there will be disappointments, lost dreams, wrinkles and God forbid even a pound or two.  It isn't his problem how you feel anymore than it is your problem how he feels.  Get this in your head right now and you'll have most of this marriage think licked.  The only one responsible for your happiness is you!


Do however, remember to appreciate him, even when what you really want to say is "big deal, I can do that too."  A little appreciation goes a long way in a marriage.  I know you've got a good heart and deep down in there you do appreciate him, but you've got to let him know.  Men are like dogs, they need their egos stroked everyday, so I'd start practicing now if I were you.


Another Don't.  Don't get upset when he crosses over into your domestic territory and starts cleaning the house. I promise you this will be your biggest challenge FOREVER!  It is your nemesis, your Achilles heel. You tend to be a bit of a control and neat freak, now be honest, you know you are.  And he's a guy, right?  So inevidably he will not, I repeat he will not fold the laundry, wash the dishes, make the bed or load the dishwasher like you do.  It won't even come close no matter how many times you show him.  But I can promise you he will try to do those things for you because he loves you and wants to help.  Now I'm telling you, this one will cause you daily angst if you don't get control of it immediately and realize it just isn't that darn important which slots the forks go into in the dishwasher, he's gonna think your nuts and you'll be in too much dang pain from your ulcer to care.  Good luck on this one, your'e gonna need it.

Wedding Day with Mom & Dad - 12/89

Moving on to more positive things...stick to pink, blue, orange, fushia and chocolate browns they still are your very best colors to wear.

Keep working out and taking care of yourself, you'll be glad you did in your forties.


Mom was right, pamper your skin.  It will feel good when people think you are years younger than you actually are.


Your teeth, ugh your teeth.  All I know to tell you here is either have good dental insurance or save up lots of money.  I'm sorry, I don't know how to get you around this.


Speaking of money - you might want to sit down for this one.  First the good new. You and hubby's hard work and drive will award you with an abundant income. Within a few short years you will be able to afford many of lifes little luxuries.


Now the bad news.  Oh were to begin, where to begin.  Okay, I hate to sound like Nanny No Fun, but let me just lay it out straight for you.  If you don't screw up your finances, you and hubby could be millionairs within a little more than a decade.  How's that for a kicker.  And now for the climatic BUT...


But there will be things tempting to derail you on this path.  First, take that credit card you got in college, yes I know it has a very low balance, but take it anyway and tear it up.  Right now.  I'll wait.  And if you ever, I mean ever get another one I want you to immediately slice and dice it up with a pair of scissors like it's the main ingredient in a chef salad.  Those little plastic buggers will cost you years of your financial freedom.


Next, when it comes to buying cars and boats and any other little toy you two can dream up, don't take out a loan to purchase them.  Instead save up your money and pay with cash..


What do you mean that is not possible, sure it is.  I know for a fact it is so hush up and just do as I say so we can live in the lap of luxury in years to come.


You need to heed my warning on this one or your going to have a rude awakening one day and it won't be pretty  Do you want to find yourself forty-three years old, in debt and with very little put into retirement?  No, I didn't think so.  Now please, I'm begging you, avoid debt like it was Satan come a knocking on your door.  Tell it to go away and leave you alone because this is a house of God fearin'- financial freein' people. 

Now, for a bit of useless wisdom...

Mr. & Mrs.

Keep wearing those bikinis honey for as long as you like.

Your baby will throw up on you a lot and after that your husband will never want to eat, smell, see or even hear about blue, goat or feta cheese again, so enjoy as much of it as you can until then.


Remember to actually put tuna in a tuna casserole.


A new show will come out in a little over a decade called American Idol.  Watch it , you're gonna love it.


Your feet will permanently go up a half a size after you have a baby so the sooner you stop trying to squeeze into your old shoes the sooner your feet will stop hurting.



No matter how many ways you make meatloaf your hubby will not like it.  So stop trying and just order it in a restaurant.


When you cut a live extenstion cord with a pair of scissors it will create a heck of a spark.


Don't drink alcohol on an empty stomach, you'll throw up every time.


Something else I feel compelled to pass along to you is to not wear your heart on your sleeve.  I know you won't listen to me on this one but try to anyway.  There are a lot of bloody idiots out there who get their jollies by hurting other peoples feelings.  Try as best as you can not to let it get to you and even more importantly, try not to let it create enough fear to keep your from living the life you want.


Stick to writing my dear.  It was your first love and will bring you lots of joy over the years.  When you were a little girl you knew it and you should have listened to yourself more.  It will bring you much, much comfort in life - I promise you this.


By the way, what the keck happened to that girl who loved to fly in airplanes.  I mean, you're in the Air Force for God's sakes.  All I know to tell you on this one is when that day comes where you all the sudden decide you are afraid to fly (and I think it has something to do with becoming a mother) stop those irrational thoughts right there in their tracks.  I do not want to spend the rest of our life dreading impending flights for weeks before they actually happen mixed with a love to travel.  It is just too dang difficult a situation to figure out.  So get it together women and never give up your love for flying.  You better listen to me on this one because I am not dedicating the rest of my traveling years to just seeing the country in an RV.


When you become a mom many years from now, your going to be a great one.  That little boy will be your world and there won't be anything you wouldn't do for him.  So relax.  You aren't going to be perfect at it, your going to have difficult days with him, he will push you to your emotional limits if you let him because he is just like you.  There are only a couple of things you've got to know to be a good parent and I think you already do, you're just going to need to remind yourself from time to time.


First, love him for who he is. He will bring into this world a mix of you, your husband and somethings you have no idea where they came from.  But he will be uniquely who he is.  Give him space to grow, teach him how to make good decisions and love him right were he is on his journey.


When you can look at him with love in all he does (note to self,  that doesn't mean you have to like everything he does) he will honor you later in life by becoming the best version of himself, because you got out of his way and allowed it.

I've saved the most important for last. Don't be afraid to live life to it's fullest.  You are only going around once or at least only one time you'll remember, so do it all. You have a unique way of looking at life that has always been a blessing, but life will try to wear you down at times, don't let it do that.  Stand your ground and be the person you know deep down you are.  You have so much to offer the world, don't hide it away for years out of fear of criticism or the "not good enoughs", life is so, so short.

On Honeymoon in Hawaii.

Remember to dance every dance.  Laugh even if you are the only one laughing. Reach for the good feeling thoughts in all that you do and the universe will yield to you the life you've been dreaming of.


It's a good life.  A really, really good life your going to get the pleasure to live.  All you have to do is relax and enjoy!

From me to You, Jamie