A Note To The Twenty-Three Year Old Me

I ran across some old pictures of myself from right around the time of my wedding twenty years ago. How interesting it is to look at that person I used to be, still want to be on some days but mostly would love to have been able to sit down with and have a good one-to-one chat?

If you could, what would you say to yourself? 

Here is what I would say to the twenty-three year old, soon to be newlywed - me:

I look like such a kid here.

Girlfriend,


Relax!  Just let it roll off your back and relax. That's the first thing you need to know if you ever want to make it through this life with a shred of sanity left.  Oh, they'll be people who certainly deserve a good piece of your mind and whom you could justifiably give it to and no one would argue with that.  But resist.  Resist not because you need to spare them a lesson or two, don't worry, karma is alive and working just fine in this universe. Resist the urge to school every wrong doer who has the audacity to offend or insult you for your sake, not theirs.  Girl, stress will wear you out and eat you up alive like a man-eating tiger.  And you want to know the real kicker in that whole thing?  It won't change their opinion one bit.  So save your breath, calm down and just let it go.  You deserve better.


And while we're on the topic let me just say that you don't want to get a stomach ulcer, I promise you, you don't. Those dang things hurt - a lot.  It will keep you up at night,  you'll feel like you've lost ten years off your life with each attach and it will make you wish you could go back and tell yourself to relax about most, if not everything, in life.


So please, for our sake, RELAX.

By the way, congrats on the marriage.  You know, after twenty years of marriage I'm still working to figure it all out but let me see if I can give you a heads up on a few things.

Wedding rehearsal with dad. (Sorry about bad photos - their old, ya' know, like me.)

First, you've got yourself a good guy there, no make that a great guy.  He's one of them that every women wants and girl you knocked this one out of the ballpark, so don't screw it up.


I know it is all turtledoves and roses right now and that's good because if it weren't I'd say not to get married, but reality will, as sure as you'll side swipe your husbands car on a post or get perms for another ten years, it will set in.  That is where a marriage really starts.  So let's see if I can give you some pointers on to Dos' and Don'ts when it comes to matrimony.


Major Don't number one.  Do not make your husband responsible for your happiness in life.  Now, I know you're pretty independent so you don't tend to lean towards anyone for your happiness, but the years will roll on, there will be disappointments, lost dreams, wrinkles and God forbid even a pound or two.  It isn't his problem how you feel anymore than it is your problem how he feels.  Get this in your head right now and you'll have most of this marriage think licked.  The only one responsible for your happiness is you!


Do however, remember to appreciate him, even when what you really want to say is "big deal, I can do that too."  A little appreciation goes a long way in a marriage.  I know you've got a good heart and deep down in there you do appreciate him, but you've got to let him know.  Men are like dogs, they need their egos stroked everyday, so I'd start practicing now if I were you.


Another Don't.  Don't get upset when he crosses over into your domestic territory and starts cleaning the house. I promise you this will be your biggest challenge FOREVER!  It is your nemesis, your Achilles heel. You tend to be a bit of a control and neat freak, now be honest, you know you are.  And he's a guy, right?  So inevidably he will not, I repeat he will not fold the laundry, wash the dishes, make the bed or load the dishwasher like you do.  It won't even come close no matter how many times you show him.  But I can promise you he will try to do those things for you because he loves you and wants to help.  Now I'm telling you, this one will cause you daily angst if you don't get control of it immediately and realize it just isn't that darn important which slots the forks go into in the dishwasher, he's gonna think your nuts and you'll be in too much dang pain from your ulcer to care.  Good luck on this one, your'e gonna need it.

Wedding Day with Mom & Dad - 12/89

Moving on to more positive things...stick to pink, blue, orange, fushia and chocolate browns they still are your very best colors to wear.

Keep working out and taking care of yourself, you'll be glad you did in your forties.


Mom was right, pamper your skin.  It will feel good when people think you are years younger than you actually are.


Your teeth, ugh your teeth.  All I know to tell you here is either have good dental insurance or save up lots of money.  I'm sorry, I don't know how to get you around this.


Speaking of money - you might want to sit down for this one.  First the good new. You and hubby's hard work and drive will award you with an abundant income. Within a few short years you will be able to afford many of lifes little luxuries.


Now the bad news.  Oh were to begin, where to begin.  Okay, I hate to sound like Nanny No Fun, but let me just lay it out straight for you.  If you don't screw up your finances, you and hubby could be millionairs within a little more than a decade.  How's that for a kicker.  And now for the climatic BUT...


But there will be things tempting to derail you on this path.  First, take that credit card you got in college, yes I know it has a very low balance, but take it anyway and tear it up.  Right now.  I'll wait.  And if you ever, I mean ever get another one I want you to immediately slice and dice it up with a pair of scissors like it's the main ingredient in a chef salad.  Those little plastic buggers will cost you years of your financial freedom.


Next, when it comes to buying cars and boats and any other little toy you two can dream up, don't take out a loan to purchase them.  Instead save up your money and pay with cash..


What do you mean that is not possible, sure it is.  I know for a fact it is so hush up and just do as I say so we can live in the lap of luxury in years to come.


You need to heed my warning on this one or your going to have a rude awakening one day and it won't be pretty  Do you want to find yourself forty-three years old, in debt and with very little put into retirement?  No, I didn't think so.  Now please, I'm begging you, avoid debt like it was Satan come a knocking on your door.  Tell it to go away and leave you alone because this is a house of God fearin'- financial freein' people. 

Now, for a bit of useless wisdom...

Mr. & Mrs.

Keep wearing those bikinis honey for as long as you like.

Your baby will throw up on you a lot and after that your husband will never want to eat, smell, see or even hear about blue, goat or feta cheese again, so enjoy as much of it as you can until then.


Remember to actually put tuna in a tuna casserole.


A new show will come out in a little over a decade called American Idol.  Watch it , you're gonna love it.


Your feet will permanently go up a half a size after you have a baby so the sooner you stop trying to squeeze into your old shoes the sooner your feet will stop hurting.



No matter how many ways you make meatloaf your hubby will not like it.  So stop trying and just order it in a restaurant.


When you cut a live extenstion cord with a pair of scissors it will create a heck of a spark.


Don't drink alcohol on an empty stomach, you'll throw up every time.


Something else I feel compelled to pass along to you is to not wear your heart on your sleeve.  I know you won't listen to me on this one but try to anyway.  There are a lot of bloody idiots out there who get their jollies by hurting other peoples feelings.  Try as best as you can not to let it get to you and even more importantly, try not to let it create enough fear to keep your from living the life you want.


Stick to writing my dear.  It was your first love and will bring you lots of joy over the years.  When you were a little girl you knew it and you should have listened to yourself more.  It will bring you much, much comfort in life - I promise you this.


By the way, what the keck happened to that girl who loved to fly in airplanes.  I mean, you're in the Air Force for God's sakes.  All I know to tell you on this one is when that day comes where you all the sudden decide you are afraid to fly (and I think it has something to do with becoming a mother) stop those irrational thoughts right there in their tracks.  I do not want to spend the rest of our life dreading impending flights for weeks before they actually happen mixed with a love to travel.  It is just too dang difficult a situation to figure out.  So get it together women and never give up your love for flying.  You better listen to me on this one because I am not dedicating the rest of my traveling years to just seeing the country in an RV.


When you become a mom many years from now, your going to be a great one.  That little boy will be your world and there won't be anything you wouldn't do for him.  So relax.  You aren't going to be perfect at it, your going to have difficult days with him, he will push you to your emotional limits if you let him because he is just like you.  There are only a couple of things you've got to know to be a good parent and I think you already do, you're just going to need to remind yourself from time to time.


First, love him for who he is. He will bring into this world a mix of you, your husband and somethings you have no idea where they came from.  But he will be uniquely who he is.  Give him space to grow, teach him how to make good decisions and love him right were he is on his journey.


When you can look at him with love in all he does (note to self,  that doesn't mean you have to like everything he does) he will honor you later in life by becoming the best version of himself, because you got out of his way and allowed it.

I've saved the most important for last. Don't be afraid to live life to it's fullest.  You are only going around once or at least only one time you'll remember, so do it all. You have a unique way of looking at life that has always been a blessing, but life will try to wear you down at times, don't let it do that.  Stand your ground and be the person you know deep down you are.  You have so much to offer the world, don't hide it away for years out of fear of criticism or the "not good enoughs", life is so, so short.

On Honeymoon in Hawaii.

Remember to dance every dance.  Laugh even if you are the only one laughing. Reach for the good feeling thoughts in all that you do and the universe will yield to you the life you've been dreaming of.


It's a good life.  A really, really good life your going to get the pleasure to live.  All you have to do is relax and enjoy!

From me to You, Jamie

My Affair With A Geek

A love affair of the heart that is.

The guys of Geek Squad (that is not a sexist statement, I'm sure there are ladies of the Geek Squad as well, I just personally didn't encounter any) came to my resue this past week in a big way and I have silently fallen in love with my knights in shining armour riding in on a white horse carrying their pomp black and and orange regal sheilds.

Of course, if I were actually having a true affair with an agent from the Geek Squad, foreplay (can I say that word, afterall this is a family blog) would be a series of dates wherein I would ask the simplest of techi questions and with naught a smirk on his face my brilliant and skillful Geek would masterfully woo me with his words, delicately explaining the answers for even the most intellectually challenged of blonde like myself to understand.  Oh my heart swoones at even the thought now as I remember the pleasure of our encounter .


I first rendezvoused with my Geek Squad (yes, I have claimed them as mine now) last week when I made that stressfull 911 call in a desperate plea for someone to revive my sick and ailing baby, my right arm, my appendage, my life line to all that is good and evil in this world, my computer.


They mysteriously appeared donned in their trademark agent uniform.  Forget secret service, think Will Smith in Men In Black.  They even call themselves agents.  I mean, come on ladies, who needs romance novels when I can have the real thing right here, anytime I want.


My Geek agent quickly went to work diagnosing my feeble baby as I impatiently paced about, wondering if there were any hope at all for my seven year old computer to survive this attack.  As uncertainty loomed about not sure if I would ever hear the hum of her CPU while I booted up her now slow and aged mind, I recalled how she had faithfully seen me through the long move from Illinois to North Carolina.  Wrapped in a big, plain box, bearing the cold February weather for two long days, not a complaint, not even a wimper.  Unpacked and hooked up she didn't skip a beat, we were one and in sync and my faithful computer had stood by my side through it all.  And now here I found myself, three years later, pacing back and forth, searching the face of my Geek agent for a glimps of some good news.


The prognosis was grim.  It had a virus.  And not just any virus, one that would require surgery.


Without delay I gently toted my baby's brain to the nearest Best But location and headed immediately to the Geek Squad desk.  And there they were, working feverishly to answer questions, calm the fatigued and stressed, remaing tranquil in the storm of emotional families, who like myself had experience some techological loss recently and who had come here, in their moment of need, looking for answers.  My knights in shinning armour stood stoicly prepared, in all their black and white glory and it was at that moment I knew it would be okay.

They hooked my baby up to their life support system on the operating table behind them and gently listened as I poured forth my woes.  I explained the accident and how much this archaic computer meant to me.  I divulged my feelings of ineptness and pleaded for someone, anyone to come to my rescue, all the while my Geek Squad stood there, listening, taking notes and soothing my worries with their gentle but confident voice.


"We'll take care of it."


"You, you mean everything?"


"Sure, no problem."

No problem?  I just wanted to jump over the counter and hug him, heck, hug all of them, but I restrained, afterall, to catch a guy you can't show him how crazy you are about him after the first date.


"So you can take the virus off my old computer, rescue years of data, set up my newly purchased laptop with all the files transfered, also download the information on a remote storage device (that you are going to have to help me pick out) then reload the operating system back onto my wounded baby so I can give it to my son and lastly come out to my house and set us up for wireless internet so that we can join the rest of the techi world in a Wi-fi life?  You can do all that?"


"Sure, no problem."


I Love you.  Forget beer commercials, I love my Geek.


And so, here I am, exactly one week later since meeting my Geeks and life is almost back to normal.  I have my new laptop with all my old files restored on it.  I have my faithful computer cleared of viruses and operating system reinstalled.  I have since relocated her to a slower paced life in our homeschool room where the living is easier and and the shine shines often. Our house is wireless now and all this evolution because of that fateful day when my Geek Squad came to the rescue.

I wanted to give a specific shoutout to the guys at the Raleigh/Brier Creek Geek Squad location in NC.  You all Rock!

I Taught Ethan to Clean Toilets Today - Oh The Drama!

For those of you who have little boys (and even some grown ones) in your life, you know that having the toilet seat left up is the least of our problems when it comes to the bathrooms in our homes.  You know what I'm talking about here.

Now, I promise you I clean my house and that includes my toilets, but no one would ever know it if they came into my home and needed to go potty.  I do have proof however.  There are three facilities in our home, one downstairs off the kitchen and living room, one upstairs for our son and one in the master bathroom.  The one in the master bathroom is always clean.  That should prove that I do clean them.  But you wouldn't know it by looking at the others.

To spare you the disgusting details I decided not to take "before" photos.  You're welcome.  I think you can use your imagination.  Just picture one eight year old boy whose only concern with being neat when he takes care of his business is in hoping mom or dad won't notice his untidy behavior.

Tired of having to go up to use my bathroom all the time because I couldn't stand the thought of using the downstairs one I took matters into my own hands today.

No more asking Ethan to be neat when he went.  No more begging him.  No more complaining.  Nope.  I took a different approach today.

I told him we were going to do a project together.  He got all excited when he heard this because he loves doing projects with mom.  Little did he know that the project was going to be learning to clean toilets.  (Okay, I did feel a little quilty here, I mean I had him all excited about doing something fun with mom and then whammo - I burst that balloon right out of the sky.)

Our pleasure trip started with about five minutes of his trying to escape the bathroom repeating the mantra, "I'm not going to do it, I'm not going to do it."  I wish I could have gotten some pictures of that for you but I was too busy blocking the door.

This is Ethan's Bathroom

Once he calmed down and resigned to the fact that he was going to have to clean the toilets the theatrics came out a blazing with double barrels.

"This is disgusting!  This is gross!"  sniffle, sniffle.  Since level one (complaining) wasn't working on me, he decided to move it up to level two - crying.

See the open mouth?  Just insert a lot of noise coming out of there.

Okay, before we go any further I promise you I am not a bad mom, really I am not.  But if I had caved here and let him off the hook of cleaning the toilets I would forever be forced to go to the neighbors each time natured  called.  Besides, I'm doing this for his future girlfriends and some day future wife.

So between the crying (okay whaling), occasional escape attempts and pretend vomiting sound effects he managed to do a very good job.  I had him clean the toilet in his bathroom and the one downstairs, I cleaned my own myself.

This is the downstairs bathroom

After that I needed a stiff drink...of vitamin water.

Send your good vibes out to me because little does he know, this has become his very own personal new chore around the house.

"Ay Carumba!"

My All American Guy

Since I homeschool our son, when I need to go somewhere and it is probably best he not go (like the hairdressers - little boys hate it there) then Ethan hangs with his daddy while he works.

Such was the case the other day.

After I got all beautiful thanks to my wonderful stylist Jenn (please just agree with me it makes me feel good) then I went to where my husband was working to pick Ethan up.

Ken has a company that does Paintless-Dent-Removal, which means they take door dings and hail damage out of vehicles with out having to paint and do body work on them.

For the past sixteen years I have spend countless hours having conversations with my husband while watching him do exactly this.

I love watching him work (in a proud sort of way, not a lazy one.)   He truely is my All American Guy.

And then came the switcheroo with Ethan.  You can tell what was important to our son while he left dad to get the rest of his "things to keep busy while dad works".  Love those guys.

Also...

Congrats to the winners of my Dave Ramsey Book giveaway.

Kelly from The PursuitofMommyness.com

and

Carla

So ladies send me an email with your shipping address so I can get those books off to you ASAP.  Congrats!

All American Girl: 101

You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl. When I was four I foolishly walked up behind my older brother just as he was preparing to deliver a round-house blow to a baseball on a warm June day in a neighbors yard. Five stitches later, a swollen lip and a doting father passed out on the cold linoleum floor of the doctors office from watching a needle and thread disappear and reappear from behind my lip, you'd think I would have learned. Somewhere shortly within that time span I decided that Evel Knievel had nothing on me when the words "Daddy look!" cheerfully escaped my mouth as I rushed proudly down a steep rock driveway worthy of the Appalachian mountains, my father running behind me shouting fearfully, "Peddle backwards! Peddle backwards!" But it was too late. The big oak tree and I had a date at the bottom of the hill and I wasn't about to stand him up. So second round of a swollen lip and scraps all over my face, my family no doubt feared the rearing years ahead not for the first time in my very short life. I on the other hand, secretly held to the notion that if I could just try again I know I could make it down without a crash. A belief, by the way, I still hold true today. Then there was the time I was about seven and my bother slammed my head (yes my head, not hand) in the door of my dad's old pickup truck. So technically this one is not my fault. Did I mention I have four brothers. One of my favorites was the time at about 10 years of age I flipped my bicycle over and passed out. All I remember was a sing-songy version of the words "Captain Crunch" repeated over and over in my head like a nursery rhyme. There also was the time when another brother and I were riding motorcycles on a dirt bike trail and he hit a bump, I flew off and... ...did I tell you about falling out of the car when I was a toddler? I've almost forgot about that one. It's amazing what 40 plus years can do for your selective memory. From fear of boring you further, let's just leave it at the fact that I was, and in many more ways than I care to admit still am, a tomboy. If my brothers did it I was going to do it better, faster and smarter. I always dreamed big: big ideas, big aspirations and big expectations of myself. "Fates be dammed" was my motto, it has served me well. So, flash forward to today. I may be more polished, have a higher education and dress modern and stylish, but I'm still that little country girl growing up in the rural communities of southern Illinois and once again I find myself not walking but running like Harry Potter through the maze in search of the next new adventure this little girl can sail away on and live to tell about. It is daring, it is bold and yet some will say outright simplistic. I'm going on the adventure of a life time. I'm going to relearn my old country girl ways and with the wind at my back and all synapses firing, it is time to set sail. So the stilettos will go in the closet (for just a little while,) the Italian food at Vivace will have to wait a bit longer for this girl to savor it's gifts, as I take on the homesteading life of an All American Girl. Up first, an attempt to make jelly...